No narration. Just speech.
"Why am I here?"
"Pardon?"
"You heard me."
"I... what?"
"I said, why am I here?"
"You... were sent here?"
"Right. And why do you think that happened, Charlie?"
"I-"
"Do you think I was sent here because you're doing a good job?"
"I... no?"
"No, I wasn't. Do you think I was sent here to pat you on your back and say 'keep it up, keep doing what you're doing'?"
"...No?"
"You're getting good at this. And it's about fucking time you got good at something."
"Now wait a second-"
"I didn't say I was finished, so sit down and shut the fuck up. Good. Now, as we've already established, I wasn't sent here because you're doing a good job. People like me don't get sent to places like this for things like that. People like me get sent to places like this because you're an embarrassment to the company; a wound that must be healed; an infection that must be ripped the fuck out before it causes any more damage. This entire office is failing to produce any kind of relevant results, and I'm here to change that."
"We had over 400 sales last year."
"Richard Jennings, right?"
"Yes."
"Richard, your office had four hundred and thirty-seven sales last year. There are 4 of you. That's a hundred and nine sales per person, with one extra kicking around that was probably just a fluke. That's barely more than two sales a week. Do you know how many sales the three person division in Phoenix had last year? Nine hundred and twenty. Each one of the people in that office had three times as many sales as each person in this office. So don't interrupt me by saying you had over 400 sales last year, because if 400 sales was an impressive number, I wouldn't fucking be here. That I'm here at all should be a huge fucking red flag for all of you, because my presence here means you are the worst of the worst; Phoenix is one step above you, and there's nobody below you. -Oh I'm sorry Vicky, am I failing to hold your attention?"
"I don't see how coming here and telling us we're garbage is supposed to be helping."
"Is that so? You're fired. Pack up your shit and get out."
"What?"
"Did I stutter? Get, the fuck, out. Oh, what's that? You don't want to be fired? Then sit down and keep your mouth closed, because your job - all of your jobs - are what's on the line here. This office has three weeks to pull itself together, or every single one of you is going to be begging for change on the street corner in four. This is not a fucking game. This is real life, with real money on the line. Any of you who doesn't close 20 sales in the next three weeks is fired. Any of you who raise one word of complaint is fired. Any of you who tries to pass the blame on to anyone or anything else is fired. Are you getting the picture yet? You are the ones failing to produce results, and if that doesn't change, you are the ones who will be replaced. So be accountable, get out there, and do your fucking jobs."
"...That's it?"
"Yes, Richard, that's it. Oh, no, wait; there's one more thing. Once I walk out that door, the clock starts running. Three weeks. And I'm not going to just disappear into the night, never to be heard from again, oh no - I'm going to be paying very close attention to you. And you had all better hope, you had all better pray to the fucking almighty Himself, that you never see me again. I don't talk to failures like you because I enjoy it, I talk to failures like you because I'm getting paid more for this conversation than each of you assholes make in a month. If you ever see me again, it's because I was sent to you. If you ever see me again, it's because you have failed to elevate yourselves to an acceptable standard. If you ever see me again, it's because you're fired. Now stop sitting there like a bunch of slack-jawed hillbillies and go do your fucking jobs."
2020-06-22 · Boss Music Intensifies
2020-06-15 · Accept the Unexpected
2020-06-08 · Failing The Test
2020-06-01 · Best Laid Plans
2020-05-25 · The End?
2020-05-18 · The Only Explanation
2020-05-11 · Personal Victory
2020-05-04 · Six Questions
2020-04-27 · It's A Team Effort
2020-04-20 · The More Things Change
2020-04-13 · It's All About Perspective
2020-04-06 · Fake It 'Til You Make It
2020-03-30 · Keeping It Clean
2020-03-23 · How To Save The World
2020-03-16 · Time For A Change
2020-03-09 · Music To My Ears
2020-03-02 · Unfamiliar Territory
2020-02-24 · Something From Nothing
2020-02-17 · The Times Are Changing
2020-02-10 · The Missing Piece
2020-02-03 · Wrong Place, Wrong Time
2020-01-27 · Overexposure
2020-01-20 · As Seen On TV
2020-01-13 · Written By A.I.
2020-01-06 · Promises Kept
2019-12-30 · Ringing It In
2019-12-23 · Happy Unspecified Seasonal Holiday!
2019-12-16 · The Lair
2019-12-09 · Time To Get Cracking
2019-12-02 · Not A Suicide
2019-11-25 · The One That Knows What Number It Is
2019-11-18 · Venting Frustrations
2019-11-11 · The Test Takers
2019-11-04 · Make Your Play
2019-10-28 · Horror With Smart People
2019-10-21 · The Interview
2019-10-14 · It Must Have Happened At Some Point
2019-10-07 · Work The Problem
2019-09-30 · Cogs in the Machine
2019-09-23 · First of One
2019-09-16 · Curse Your Inevitable Betrayal!
2019-09-09 · Be Brief
2019-09-02 · Changing Channels
2019-08-26 · It's A Process
2019-08-19 · Armed And Dangerous
2019-08-12 · Good Intentions
2019-08-05 · A Simple Procedure
2019-07-29 · Finale Feelings
2019-07-22 · Fun And Profit
2019-07-15 · It Builds Character
2019-07-08 · Aviator Safety
2019-06-24 · Something's Been Bugging Me
2019-06-17 · It's All About You
2019-05-27 · Rough Encounters
2019-05-20 · Wishes Three
2019-05-13 · A Gentle Nudge
2019-05-06 · A Simple Misunderstanding?
2019-04-29 · Don't Spoil It
2019-04-22 · Under Scrutiny
2019-04-15 · Prepare To Resist
2019-04-08 · Making Small Talk
2019-04-01 · The Crisis
2019-03-25 · Just Kidding
2019-03-18 · How About That Local Sports Team?
2019-03-11 · Public Engagement
2019-03-04 · The Hero We Need
2019-02-25 · The Negotiation
2019-02-18 · Executive Orders
2019-02-11 · The Talk
2019-02-04 · The Big Game
2019-01-28 · If It's A Girl...
2019-01-21 · The Nature Of Picasso
2019-01-14 · I'm Sorry, Ms. Jackson
2019-01-07 · Never Saw It Coming
2018-12-31 · Duelling ...Holidays?
2018-12-24 · Too Much Cheer
2018-12-17 · Taking Out The Trash
2018-12-10 · Let's Go To The Movies
2018-12-03 · Not For Donuts
2018-11-26 · Horizons Made Broad
2018-11-19 · It's The Journey That Matters
2018-11-12 · Anthing You Can Do...
2018-11-05 · Let's Call It "Laundry"
2018-10-29 · Unfriended
2018-10-22 · A Conversation About "Tacos"
2018-10-15 · Changes
2018-10-08 · An Adult-Sized Secret
2018-10-01 · Street War
2018-09-24 · Whither Whether Why
2018-09-17 · The Pitch
2018-09-10 · The One That's Meta
2018-09-03 · A Night At The Movies
2018-08-27 · We're Vampires
2018-08-20 · The Final Showdown
2018-08-13 · The End Of The World
2018-08-06 · A More Rational Kind Of Love
2018-07-30 · Death Troubles
2018-07-23 · True Love
2018-07-18 · At Least It's Not Des Moines