No narration. Just speech.
"Too many legs."
"Pardon?"
"Those things have too many legs."
"They have eight legs."
"Right. That's too many."
"They're spiders. That's how many legs they're supposed to have."
"It's too many."
"They're your pets."
"And?"
"You chose them on purpose."
"Because tarantulas are cute."
"But now they have too many legs?"
"I'm not talking about those spiders."
"Oh. Well what spiders are you talking about?"
"Look at that pot light."
"Wow. That's too many legs."
"Right?"
"Where did they all come from?"
"I don't know. They just started appearing a couple weeks ago."
"They weren't there this afternoon."
"They only come out at night."
"How can they tell? The lights are always on here."
"I don't know. Maybe one of their legs has a clock on it or something."
"That's a little silly."
"You're right. Who wears a clock? It would be a watch."
"Really though, that's crazy."
"I know. I've already killed dozens of them, and they just keep showing up."
"Well, there's at least three on there right now. They're so tiny."
"There's three on that light. And two on that one, and two on that one."
"Man, those things are everywhere."
"And no matter how many I kill, they just keep coming back."
"Maybe you need to set your tarantulas on them. Have them claim the space or something."
"They're not dogs, Roger. Spiders work together. Haven't you seen the pictures of those giant communal webs in trees in Texas?"
"That's the most frightening version of socialism."
"With far too many legs."
"So what do you do about it?"
"Mostly I grab a tissue and just crush them one by one in it."
"That seems time-consuming."
"Not really, it only takes a minute or two. And it's so very satisfying."
"Have you considered spraying them?"
"I don't know what that would do to the lights. Chemicals on a hot surface seems like a bad idea."
"Maybe. What about just spraying the room in the day, with the lights off, and maybe that will kill them all?"
"I think they're sleeping or something during the day. Plus look at them, they're tiny. I'm not sure a general spray would actually do anything."
"Well, in that case there's only one option."
"Burn the house down and collect the insurance money."
"What? No, I was going to say call an exterminator."
"But I've already bought the gasoline."
"You outweigh them by your bodyweight. You don't have to burn down the house to get rid of them."
"I'm not burning it down to get rid of the spiders, I'm burning it down for the insurance money. The spiders are the patsies."
"You're going to blame your house burning down on spiders that are less than 2 millimeters across?"
"They have far too many legs."
"...I'll get the matches."
2020-06-22 · Boss Music Intensifies
2020-06-15 · Accept the Unexpected
2020-06-08 · Failing The Test
2020-06-01 · Best Laid Plans
2020-05-25 · The End?
2020-05-18 · The Only Explanation
2020-05-11 · Personal Victory
2020-05-04 · Six Questions
2020-04-27 · It's A Team Effort
2020-04-20 · The More Things Change
2020-04-13 · It's All About Perspective
2020-04-06 · Fake It 'Til You Make It
2020-03-30 · Keeping It Clean
2020-03-23 · How To Save The World
2020-03-16 · Time For A Change
2020-03-09 · Music To My Ears
2020-03-02 · Unfamiliar Territory
2020-02-24 · Something From Nothing
2020-02-17 · The Times Are Changing
2020-02-10 · The Missing Piece
2020-02-03 · Wrong Place, Wrong Time
2020-01-27 · Overexposure
2020-01-20 · As Seen On TV
2020-01-13 · Written By A.I.
2020-01-06 · Promises Kept
2019-12-30 · Ringing It In
2019-12-23 · Happy Unspecified Seasonal Holiday!
2019-12-16 · The Lair
2019-12-09 · Time To Get Cracking
2019-12-02 · Not A Suicide
2019-11-25 · The One That Knows What Number It Is
2019-11-18 · Venting Frustrations
2019-11-11 · The Test Takers
2019-11-04 · Make Your Play
2019-10-28 · Horror With Smart People
2019-10-21 · The Interview
2019-10-14 · It Must Have Happened At Some Point
2019-10-07 · Work The Problem
2019-09-30 · Cogs in the Machine
2019-09-23 · First of One
2019-09-16 · Curse Your Inevitable Betrayal!
2019-09-09 · Be Brief
2019-09-02 · Changing Channels
2019-08-26 · It's A Process
2019-08-19 · Armed And Dangerous
2019-08-12 · Good Intentions
2019-08-05 · A Simple Procedure
2019-07-29 · Finale Feelings
2019-07-22 · Fun And Profit
2019-07-15 · It Builds Character
2019-07-08 · Aviator Safety
2019-06-24 · Something's Been Bugging Me
2019-06-17 · It's All About You
2019-05-27 · Rough Encounters
2019-05-20 · Wishes Three
2019-05-13 · A Gentle Nudge
2019-05-06 · A Simple Misunderstanding?
2019-04-29 · Don't Spoil It
2019-04-22 · Under Scrutiny
2019-04-15 · Prepare To Resist
2019-04-08 · Making Small Talk
2019-04-01 · The Crisis
2019-03-25 · Just Kidding
2019-03-18 · How About That Local Sports Team?
2019-03-11 · Public Engagement
2019-03-04 · The Hero We Need
2019-02-25 · The Negotiation
2019-02-18 · Executive Orders
2019-02-11 · The Talk
2019-02-04 · The Big Game
2019-01-28 · If It's A Girl...
2019-01-21 · The Nature Of Picasso
2019-01-14 · I'm Sorry, Ms. Jackson
2019-01-07 · Never Saw It Coming
2018-12-31 · Duelling ...Holidays?
2018-12-24 · Too Much Cheer
2018-12-17 · Taking Out The Trash
2018-12-10 · Let's Go To The Movies
2018-12-03 · Not For Donuts
2018-11-26 · Horizons Made Broad
2018-11-19 · It's The Journey That Matters
2018-11-12 · Anthing You Can Do...
2018-11-05 · Let's Call It "Laundry"
2018-10-29 · Unfriended
2018-10-22 · A Conversation About "Tacos"
2018-10-15 · Changes
2018-10-08 · An Adult-Sized Secret
2018-10-01 · Street War
2018-09-24 · Whither Whether Why
2018-09-17 · The Pitch
2018-09-10 · The One That's Meta
2018-09-03 · A Night At The Movies
2018-08-27 · We're Vampires
2018-08-20 · The Final Showdown
2018-08-13 · The End Of The World
2018-08-06 · A More Rational Kind Of Love
2018-07-30 · Death Troubles
2018-07-23 · True Love
2018-07-18 · At Least It's Not Des Moines