No narration. Just speech.
"Hi, who do I talk to to report a break-in?"
"You can talk to me. What's your name?"
"Brendan Smith."
"Okay Brendan, I'm Sgt. Dooley. what happened?"
"A couple guys forced open my door."
"A couple, do you mean two, or more than two?"
"It was two."
"Is everyone okay?"
"I'm fine."
"Was anything taken?"
"No, I stopped them before they got anything."
"So you got a good look at them?"
"Oh I know who did it."
"You do? Who was it?"
"It was this guy."
"What the hell!?"
"Yeah, so this guy broke into my house with one of his friends."
"That's a hand!"
"Yes. They caught me in the kitchen. I took his hand, and they ran away like a couple punkass bitches."
"Carol, bring me a... what the hell?"
"Well I put it in a bag. Two bags, actually. I didn't want to get blood on the inside of my backpack."
"That was very considerate of you. Thank you, Carol, could you please take this... what am I supposed to do with this?"
"Run it through AFIS? I doubt I'm the first person he's tried to rob. Plus he's missing a hand. Unless he's an idiot he's probably gone to a hospital."
"I'm going to have to ask you to follow me to an interrogation room."
"Sure, whatever you need."
"Right this way. When did this happen?"
"I don't know, like half an hour ago?"
"You seem calm for someone who just cut off a man's hand with a kitchen knife."
"Oh yeah, I brought that with me too. It's in the backpack."
"Right through here, just take that chair over there. Please start from the beginning."
"Well, I was making some tacos for lunch, like you do... do you ever make lunch tacos?"
"Please just tell me what happened. In as much detail as possible."
"I'd just finished cutting the lettuce, and I was about to brown the beef-"
"Details about the break-in, please, Mr. Smith."
"I just realized I forgot to put the meat away. I'll have to throw that out when I get home."
"...Mr. Smith?"
"Right, sorry. I was about to brown the beef, when I heard a knock at the door. It took me a while to clean my hands, so I didn't get to the door for a minute or so, and I guess they'd decided that meant I wasn't home. I heard the doorknob jiggling, so I ran back to the kitchen to grab something to defend myself with."
"That would be the knife."
"That I was using to cut lettuce, yes. It's big, right? Sharp too. Goes through it like butter."
"The break-in..."
"Right. So after they got in, they saw me in the kitchen and came after me. I struggled with one of them, and I got his arm down onto the cutting board, and cut off his hand."
"You know that self defense laws only apply if you're using an amount of force that's reasonable for the situation, right? Like, you can't shoot someone for slapping you."
"Two men broke into my house and attacked me. I didn't know if they were trying to kill me, but I can't afford to assume they're not. I did the minimum amount I could to make them stop and leave."
"And they did."
"I guess they saw I wasn't to be screwed with."
"Do you have any kind of military training, or combat training?"
"No, I just have a complete disregard for the lives of anyone who attacks my friends or family. Including me."
"Could you please write down everything you just said on this pad here, along with your name, address, and signature?"
"Of course. And if you want him to surrender quickly, just tell him I'm looking for him. That should scare him into giving up."
"Why would I tell him that?"
"Because it's true."
2020-06-22 · Boss Music Intensifies
2020-06-15 · Accept the Unexpected
2020-06-08 · Failing The Test
2020-06-01 · Best Laid Plans
2020-05-25 · The End?
2020-05-18 · The Only Explanation
2020-05-11 · Personal Victory
2020-05-04 · Six Questions
2020-04-27 · It's A Team Effort
2020-04-20 · The More Things Change
2020-04-13 · It's All About Perspective
2020-04-06 · Fake It 'Til You Make It
2020-03-30 · Keeping It Clean
2020-03-23 · How To Save The World
2020-03-16 · Time For A Change
2020-03-09 · Music To My Ears
2020-03-02 · Unfamiliar Territory
2020-02-24 · Something From Nothing
2020-02-17 · The Times Are Changing
2020-02-10 · The Missing Piece
2020-02-03 · Wrong Place, Wrong Time
2020-01-27 · Overexposure
2020-01-20 · As Seen On TV
2020-01-13 · Written By A.I.
2020-01-06 · Promises Kept
2019-12-30 · Ringing It In
2019-12-23 · Happy Unspecified Seasonal Holiday!
2019-12-16 · The Lair
2019-12-09 · Time To Get Cracking
2019-12-02 · Not A Suicide
2019-11-25 · The One That Knows What Number It Is
2019-11-18 · Venting Frustrations
2019-11-11 · The Test Takers
2019-11-04 · Make Your Play
2019-10-28 · Horror With Smart People
2019-10-21 · The Interview
2019-10-14 · It Must Have Happened At Some Point
2019-10-07 · Work The Problem
2019-09-30 · Cogs in the Machine
2019-09-23 · First of One
2019-09-16 · Curse Your Inevitable Betrayal!
2019-09-09 · Be Brief
2019-09-02 · Changing Channels
2019-08-26 · It's A Process
2019-08-19 · Armed And Dangerous
2019-08-12 · Good Intentions
2019-08-05 · A Simple Procedure
2019-07-29 · Finale Feelings
2019-07-22 · Fun And Profit
2019-07-15 · It Builds Character
2019-07-08 · Aviator Safety
2019-06-24 · Something's Been Bugging Me
2019-06-17 · It's All About You
2019-05-27 · Rough Encounters
2019-05-20 · Wishes Three
2019-05-13 · A Gentle Nudge
2019-05-06 · A Simple Misunderstanding?
2019-04-29 · Don't Spoil It
2019-04-22 · Under Scrutiny
2019-04-15 · Prepare To Resist
2019-04-08 · Making Small Talk
2019-04-01 · The Crisis
2019-03-25 · Just Kidding
2019-03-18 · How About That Local Sports Team?
2019-03-11 · Public Engagement
2019-03-04 · The Hero We Need
2019-02-25 · The Negotiation
2019-02-18 · Executive Orders
2019-02-11 · The Talk
2019-02-04 · The Big Game
2019-01-28 · If It's A Girl...
2019-01-21 · The Nature Of Picasso
2019-01-14 · I'm Sorry, Ms. Jackson
2019-01-07 · Never Saw It Coming
2018-12-31 · Duelling ...Holidays?
2018-12-24 · Too Much Cheer
2018-12-17 · Taking Out The Trash
2018-12-10 · Let's Go To The Movies
2018-12-03 · Not For Donuts
2018-11-26 · Horizons Made Broad
2018-11-19 · It's The Journey That Matters
2018-11-12 · Anthing You Can Do...
2018-11-05 · Let's Call It "Laundry"
2018-10-29 · Unfriended
2018-10-22 · A Conversation About "Tacos"
2018-10-15 · Changes
2018-10-08 · An Adult-Sized Secret
2018-10-01 · Street War
2018-09-24 · Whither Whether Why
2018-09-17 · The Pitch
2018-09-10 · The One That's Meta
2018-09-03 · A Night At The Movies
2018-08-27 · We're Vampires
2018-08-20 · The Final Showdown
2018-08-13 · The End Of The World
2018-08-06 · A More Rational Kind Of Love
2018-07-30 · Death Troubles
2018-07-23 · True Love
2018-07-18 · At Least It's Not Des Moines