Speech Only

No narration. Just speech.

Something's Been Bugging Me

"There's something flying around in here."

"And?"

"It's annoying."

"How so?"

"It keeps bouncing off the ceiling, and it's big. I can hear it flying around."

"So kill it."

"I don't want to."

"Why not?"

"What if it's harmless?"

"What if it's a hornet?"

"Oh crap, is it a hornet?"

"I don't know. You're the one who can see it."

"I can't see it."

"Then how do you know it's big?"

"I mean, I can see it, but I can't make out any details."

"So you know that it's big, but not what it is at all?"

"Right."

"What if it's a wasp?"

"Come on, don't joke about that; I'm allergic to wasps. And hornets. And bees. And most other things."

"All the more reason to kill it."

"But what if I get its guts on me and have a reaction?"

"Then don't kill it and stop complaining about it."

"...It landed on me."

"Well you're not freaking out, so I assume it wasn't a hornet?"

"It's brown. And looks kind of like a tube."

"Is it trying to lay eggs in you?"

"That's not funny."

"Yes it is."

"It's just kind of walking around on my shirt. Oh crap, it might climb into my sleeve."

"I'd pinch that off if I were you."

"Yeah. Oh no!"

"What now?"

"It fell."

"It flies."

"But it didn't. It just landed on the floor from like five feet up."

"Oh. Well, bugs are resilient, so I'm sure it's fine."

"It's not moving."

"It's probably stunned."

"Maybe. I'm going to scoop it up so that I don't step on it."

"You do that."

"Okay, it's kind of twitching a little, and moving itself forward like it's drunk."

"See? I told you it was just stunned."

"Yeah. I wonder what it is."

"Look it up."

"It looks like a beetle of some sort. 'long brown flying beetle'."

"Truly this is magical for me."

"Here we go, it looks kind of like a Wharf Borer, but the head part is wider."

"Uh huh."

"Wait - like a Powder Post Beetle, but the legs and antennae are longer."

"I see."

"Ah-ha! It's a Click Beetle!"

"Finally, the mystery has been solved."

"Except it never clicked."

"This is your night now, isn't it..."

"It's a mystery to be solved! I cannot let it pass unchallenged."

"Well, I guess I'll see you in two days then."

"It looks just like a Glowing Click Beetle, but the spots on its back never glowed, and it didn't click."

"I'm just gonna go to sleep."

"Okay, good night beetle. I mean sweetie. ...I'm sleeping on the couch tonight, aren't I..."

"Somehow, I doubt you're sleeping at all tonight."

Story Index

2020-06-22 · Boss Music Intensifies
2020-06-15 · Accept the Unexpected
2020-06-08 · Failing The Test
2020-06-01 · Best Laid Plans
2020-05-25 · The End?
2020-05-18 · The Only Explanation
2020-05-11 · Personal Victory
2020-05-04 · Six Questions
2020-04-27 · It's A Team Effort
2020-04-20 · The More Things Change
2020-04-13 · It's All About Perspective
2020-04-06 · Fake It 'Til You Make It
2020-03-30 · Keeping It Clean
2020-03-23 · How To Save The World
2020-03-16 · Time For A Change
2020-03-09 · Music To My Ears
2020-03-02 · Unfamiliar Territory
2020-02-24 · Something From Nothing
2020-02-17 · The Times Are Changing
2020-02-10 · The Missing Piece
2020-02-03 · Wrong Place, Wrong Time
2020-01-27 · Overexposure
2020-01-20 · As Seen On TV
2020-01-13 · Written By A.I.
2020-01-06 · Promises Kept
2019-12-30 · Ringing It In
2019-12-23 · Happy Unspecified Seasonal Holiday!
2019-12-16 · The Lair
2019-12-09 · Time To Get Cracking
2019-12-02 · Not A Suicide
2019-11-25 · The One That Knows What Number It Is
2019-11-18 · Venting Frustrations
2019-11-11 · The Test Takers
2019-11-04 · Make Your Play
2019-10-28 · Horror With Smart People
2019-10-21 · The Interview
2019-10-14 · It Must Have Happened At Some Point
2019-10-07 · Work The Problem
2019-09-30 · Cogs in the Machine
2019-09-23 · First of One
2019-09-16 · Curse Your Inevitable Betrayal!
2019-09-09 · Be Brief
2019-09-02 · Changing Channels
2019-08-26 · It's A Process
2019-08-19 · Armed And Dangerous
2019-08-12 · Good Intentions
2019-08-05 · A Simple Procedure
2019-07-29 · Finale Feelings
2019-07-22 · Fun And Profit
2019-07-15 · It Builds Character
2019-07-08 · Aviator Safety
 2019-06-24 · Something's Been Bugging Me
2019-06-17 · It's All About You
2019-05-27 · Rough Encounters
2019-05-20 · Wishes Three
2019-05-13 · A Gentle Nudge
2019-05-06 · A Simple Misunderstanding?
2019-04-29 · Don't Spoil It
2019-04-22 · Under Scrutiny
2019-04-15 · Prepare To Resist
2019-04-08 · Making Small Talk
2019-04-01 · The Crisis
2019-03-25 · Just Kidding
2019-03-18 · How About That Local Sports Team?
2019-03-11 · Public Engagement
2019-03-04 · The Hero We Need
2019-02-25 · The Negotiation
2019-02-18 · Executive Orders
2019-02-11 · The Talk
2019-02-04 · The Big Game
2019-01-28 · If It's A Girl...
2019-01-21 · The Nature Of Picasso
2019-01-14 · I'm Sorry, Ms. Jackson
2019-01-07 · Never Saw It Coming
2018-12-31 · Duelling ...Holidays?
2018-12-24 · Too Much Cheer
2018-12-17 · Taking Out The Trash
2018-12-10 · Let's Go To The Movies
2018-12-03 · Not For Donuts
2018-11-26 · Horizons Made Broad
2018-11-19 · It's The Journey That Matters
2018-11-12 · Anthing You Can Do...
2018-11-05 · Let's Call It "Laundry"
2018-10-29 · Unfriended
2018-10-22 · A Conversation About "Tacos"
2018-10-15 · Changes
2018-10-08 · An Adult-Sized Secret
2018-10-01 · Street War
2018-09-24 · Whither Whether Why
2018-09-17 · The Pitch
2018-09-10 · The One That's Meta
2018-09-03 · A Night At The Movies
2018-08-27 · We're Vampires
2018-08-20 · The Final Showdown
2018-08-13 · The End Of The World
2018-08-06 · A More Rational Kind Of Love
2018-07-30 · Death Troubles
2018-07-23 · True Love
2018-07-18 · At Least It's Not Des Moines