No narration. Just speech.
"All right, we're here. Now what?"
"Now we dig."
"Okay. Wait, aren't you going to dig?"
"These hands weren't made for digging."
"I thought I came with you to help, not to do all the work for you."
"I am working. I'm managing."
"Managing what? There's two of us."
"Right. One manager, and one person to manage. Speaking of which, I can't help but notice that you're not digging."
"Because this is insane! I came with you on the assumption that it would be a fun thing for us to do together. If I'm doing all the work, then that's not what's happening."
"We are doing it together. You're digging, and we're both here together. It's everything you wanted!"
"No, I'm over here digging - wait, I'm not digging until this is settled. I'm over here supposed to be digging, and you're over there standing around watching me do it. How is that fair?"
"Who ever said life was fair? Whoever it was was trying to sell you something. It certainly wasn't me."
"Let me put it another way: if you don't dig, I don't dig."
"Well then we will have come out here for nothing. I know you wouldn't let that happen."
"Are you sure?"
"I'm very sure."
"Fine then. Watch me."
"Watch you do what?"
"Watch me stand here not digging."
"So, wait, let me get this straight: you don't want me to watch you dig, but you do want me to watch you not dig?"
"That's what I said."
"That doesn't make any sense."
"Whoever told you life was supposed to make sense was trying to sell you something."
"Touché, but that still doesn't change anything here. According to you, only one of us gets to do something at a time."
"No, according to me, if you're not digging, I'm not digging."
"Well then we really did come out here for nothing. I'm not going to stand around just watching you stand around; I want to stand around watching you dig!"
"It's not gonna happen."
"You do realize that there's thirteen million dollars buried down there, right? And that if you'd just get off your high horse and dig we'd both be rich?"
"I do realize that, and I'm making a point. My morals and ethics are more important to me than money."
"What about a whole lot of money?"
"Still more important."
"Well what if I just take you home and come back with someone else who doesn't have a stick up their ass?"
"Uh huh, what if you get off your ass and grab a shovel and dig?"
"That wasn't the deal."
"That was exactly the deal!"
"No it wasn't. Look at it."
"What, look at the deal?"
"Look at the contract. You did bring it with you, right?"
"Of course I brought it with me. Fine, I'll read it again."
"Yeah you will. Go ahead, I'll just stand here managing while you do it."
"Well I'll be damned. This specifically says that I'll do the digging while you stand around and watch, while eating an apple."
"Yep."
"It also says that I only get 20% of what we find."
"20% of 13 million dollars is a lot."
"I do all the work and you get most of the reward. Not gonna happen. Besides, you're not even eating an apple."
"Please, I only put that apple line in because eating an apple makes you look like more of an asshole. I never intended to do it, I just thought it was funny."
"That may be so, but you're still in breach of contract. That means you dig too, and we split what we find right down the middle, 50/50."
"And suppose I refuse?"
"Suppose I hit you in the head with this shovel and keep it all myself?"
"You can't do that?"
"Really? Give me one good reason why not?"
"My car's manual transmission, and you can't drive stick."
"I'll learn."
"On your own?"
"13 million dollars is a hell of a motivator."
"Okay, fine, let's dig."
"I can't believe it took threatening to beat you with a shovel to get you to help."
"I can't believe you thought you could learn to drive manual transmission by yourself."
"Hey, I hit something."
"Me too. Let's get it up."
"It's a chest! Why not a suitcase?"
"How'm I supposed to know? Let's get it open."
"What the- where's all the money?"
"I don't know. Hey, there's a note inside."
"What does it say?"
"The real reward is the friends we made along the way."
"It does not. Let me see that."
"Read it yourself."
"Son of a bitch. Who the hell buries a note and then claims it's 13 million dollars?"
"I guess we'll never know."
"Well who told you about it?"
"I pieced it together from old documents and files."
"Wow. I guess this is just someone's idea of a practical joke."
"Well, why don't you go ahead and fill the hole in so we can go home?"
"I... you know what? Sure, why not."
"It's weird that the ground was already disturbed when we got here though, isn't it?"
"It sure is."
2020-06-22 · Boss Music Intensifies
2020-06-15 · Accept the Unexpected
2020-06-08 · Failing The Test
2020-06-01 · Best Laid Plans
2020-05-25 · The End?
2020-05-18 · The Only Explanation
2020-05-11 · Personal Victory
2020-05-04 · Six Questions
2020-04-27 · It's A Team Effort
2020-04-20 · The More Things Change
2020-04-13 · It's All About Perspective
2020-04-06 · Fake It 'Til You Make It
2020-03-30 · Keeping It Clean
2020-03-23 · How To Save The World
2020-03-16 · Time For A Change
2020-03-09 · Music To My Ears
2020-03-02 · Unfamiliar Territory
2020-02-24 · Something From Nothing
2020-02-17 · The Times Are Changing
2020-02-10 · The Missing Piece
2020-02-03 · Wrong Place, Wrong Time
2020-01-27 · Overexposure
2020-01-20 · As Seen On TV
2020-01-13 · Written By A.I.
2020-01-06 · Promises Kept
2019-12-30 · Ringing It In
2019-12-23 · Happy Unspecified Seasonal Holiday!
2019-12-16 · The Lair
2019-12-09 · Time To Get Cracking
2019-12-02 · Not A Suicide
2019-11-25 · The One That Knows What Number It Is
2019-11-18 · Venting Frustrations
2019-11-11 · The Test Takers
2019-11-04 · Make Your Play
2019-10-28 · Horror With Smart People
2019-10-21 · The Interview
2019-10-14 · It Must Have Happened At Some Point
2019-10-07 · Work The Problem
2019-09-30 · Cogs in the Machine
2019-09-23 · First of One
2019-09-16 · Curse Your Inevitable Betrayal!
2019-09-09 · Be Brief
2019-09-02 · Changing Channels
2019-08-26 · It's A Process
2019-08-19 · Armed And Dangerous
2019-08-12 · Good Intentions
2019-08-05 · A Simple Procedure
2019-07-29 · Finale Feelings
2019-07-22 · Fun And Profit
2019-07-15 · It Builds Character
2019-07-08 · Aviator Safety
2019-06-24 · Something's Been Bugging Me
2019-06-17 · It's All About You
2019-05-27 · Rough Encounters
2019-05-20 · Wishes Three
2019-05-13 · A Gentle Nudge
2019-05-06 · A Simple Misunderstanding?
2019-04-29 · Don't Spoil It
2019-04-22 · Under Scrutiny
2019-04-15 · Prepare To Resist
2019-04-08 · Making Small Talk
2019-04-01 · The Crisis
2019-03-25 · Just Kidding
2019-03-18 · How About That Local Sports Team?
2019-03-11 · Public Engagement
2019-03-04 · The Hero We Need
2019-02-25 · The Negotiation
2019-02-18 · Executive Orders
2019-02-11 · The Talk
2019-02-04 · The Big Game
2019-01-28 · If It's A Girl...
2019-01-21 · The Nature Of Picasso
2019-01-14 · I'm Sorry, Ms. Jackson
2019-01-07 · Never Saw It Coming
2018-12-31 · Duelling ...Holidays?
2018-12-24 · Too Much Cheer
2018-12-17 · Taking Out The Trash
2018-12-10 · Let's Go To The Movies
2018-12-03 · Not For Donuts
2018-11-26 · Horizons Made Broad
2018-11-19 · It's The Journey That Matters
2018-11-12 · Anthing You Can Do...
2018-11-05 · Let's Call It "Laundry"
2018-10-29 · Unfriended
2018-10-22 · A Conversation About "Tacos"
2018-10-15 · Changes
2018-10-08 · An Adult-Sized Secret
2018-10-01 · Street War
2018-09-24 · Whither Whether Why
2018-09-17 · The Pitch
2018-09-10 · The One That's Meta
2018-09-03 · A Night At The Movies
2018-08-27 · We're Vampires
2018-08-20 · The Final Showdown
2018-08-13 · The End Of The World
2018-08-06 · A More Rational Kind Of Love
2018-07-30 · Death Troubles
2018-07-23 · True Love
2018-07-18 · At Least It's Not Des Moines