Speech Only

No narration. Just speech.

Never Saw It Coming

"Mary Parker?"

"Yes?"

"You're under arrest, would you come with me please?"

"I'm under arrest- for what?"

"Treason and conspiracy to commit a terrorist act within the United States."

"What? I never did any of that!"

"We've been to your website, Ms. Parker; we know."

"My website? What does my website have to do with anything?"

"It's all right there ma'am; if you'll come with us."

"I'm not going anywhere with you."

"If you don't come with us willingly, we will walk you out handcuffed."

"I don't even know what I'm being arrested for!"

"Shouldn't you?"

"What?"

"I mean, you are a psychic, right?"

"Yes I'm a- wait, what?"

"Psychics can see the future, is that correct?"

"Yes, that's correct."

"Then if there was some important event coming up this year, like a piece of the moon breaking off, you'd know."

"Yes I suppose-"

"Do you have to specifically think about something to know what's going to happen to it, or do important events just come to you?"

"Well they come to me, obviously; why would I go out of my way to think about earthquakes?"

"Ms. Parker, why didn't you tell anyone that terrorists were going to attack on American soil on September 11, 2001?"

"WHAT!?"

"As a psychic, you had foreknowledge that the attack was going to happen. You probably even knew the names of everyone involved. If you have information regarding an upcoming terrorist attack, it is your duty as an American to inform the authorities, or else you are complicit in the act by failing to act to stop it."

"Let me see your badge again."

"Certainly; here's my badge, the badge is fine. Are you or are you not a psychic, Ms. Parker?"

"I am."

"Then by failing to inform the government about an impending attack on American soil, you have given aid and comfort to the enemy through your inaction, and you are guilty of treason and conspiracy. Please come with us."

"I'm so confused."

"Can you see the future or not, Ms. Parker?"

"I can see parts of it."

"You can see whatever anyone asks you to see; that means you can see everything."

"I didn't see 9/11 happening!"

"Are you a psychic or aren't you Ms. Parker?"

"I'm..."

"Are you guilty of treason and conspiracy or not?"

"I'm not guilty of anything!"

"So you're not a psychic."

"No, of course not, it's an act!"

"Are you sure, Ms. Parker?"

"Yes, it's called cold reading and every psychic does it."

"Clairvoyance doesn't exist."

"You think if I could see the future I wouldn't have used that to win the lottery and retire somewhere?"

"You're not a psychic."

"No, I'm not a psychic."

"You got that on tape Roy?"

"I got it."

"What?"

"Another one down, another too many to go."

"You tricked me!"

"The arrest warrant is real, Ms. Parker. You keep not being a psychic, and you'll stay out of jail. Good day."

Story Index

2020-06-22 · Boss Music Intensifies
2020-06-15 · Accept the Unexpected
2020-06-08 · Failing The Test
2020-06-01 · Best Laid Plans
2020-05-25 · The End?
2020-05-18 · The Only Explanation
2020-05-11 · Personal Victory
2020-05-04 · Six Questions
2020-04-27 · It's A Team Effort
2020-04-20 · The More Things Change
2020-04-13 · It's All About Perspective
2020-04-06 · Fake It 'Til You Make It
2020-03-30 · Keeping It Clean
2020-03-23 · How To Save The World
2020-03-16 · Time For A Change
2020-03-09 · Music To My Ears
2020-03-02 · Unfamiliar Territory
2020-02-24 · Something From Nothing
2020-02-17 · The Times Are Changing
2020-02-10 · The Missing Piece
2020-02-03 · Wrong Place, Wrong Time
2020-01-27 · Overexposure
2020-01-20 · As Seen On TV
2020-01-13 · Written By A.I.
2020-01-06 · Promises Kept
2019-12-30 · Ringing It In
2019-12-23 · Happy Unspecified Seasonal Holiday!
2019-12-16 · The Lair
2019-12-09 · Time To Get Cracking
2019-12-02 · Not A Suicide
2019-11-25 · The One That Knows What Number It Is
2019-11-18 · Venting Frustrations
2019-11-11 · The Test Takers
2019-11-04 · Make Your Play
2019-10-28 · Horror With Smart People
2019-10-21 · The Interview
2019-10-14 · It Must Have Happened At Some Point
2019-10-07 · Work The Problem
2019-09-30 · Cogs in the Machine
2019-09-23 · First of One
2019-09-16 · Curse Your Inevitable Betrayal!
2019-09-09 · Be Brief
2019-09-02 · Changing Channels
2019-08-26 · It's A Process
2019-08-19 · Armed And Dangerous
2019-08-12 · Good Intentions
2019-08-05 · A Simple Procedure
2019-07-29 · Finale Feelings
2019-07-22 · Fun And Profit
2019-07-15 · It Builds Character
2019-07-08 · Aviator Safety
2019-06-24 · Something's Been Bugging Me
2019-06-17 · It's All About You
2019-05-27 · Rough Encounters
2019-05-20 · Wishes Three
2019-05-13 · A Gentle Nudge
2019-05-06 · A Simple Misunderstanding?
2019-04-29 · Don't Spoil It
2019-04-22 · Under Scrutiny
2019-04-15 · Prepare To Resist
2019-04-08 · Making Small Talk
2019-04-01 · The Crisis
2019-03-25 · Just Kidding
2019-03-18 · How About That Local Sports Team?
2019-03-11 · Public Engagement
2019-03-04 · The Hero We Need
2019-02-25 · The Negotiation
2019-02-18 · Executive Orders
2019-02-11 · The Talk
2019-02-04 · The Big Game
2019-01-28 · If It's A Girl...
2019-01-21 · The Nature Of Picasso
2019-01-14 · I'm Sorry, Ms. Jackson
 2019-01-07 · Never Saw It Coming
2018-12-31 · Duelling ...Holidays?
2018-12-24 · Too Much Cheer
2018-12-17 · Taking Out The Trash
2018-12-10 · Let's Go To The Movies
2018-12-03 · Not For Donuts
2018-11-26 · Horizons Made Broad
2018-11-19 · It's The Journey That Matters
2018-11-12 · Anthing You Can Do...
2018-11-05 · Let's Call It "Laundry"
2018-10-29 · Unfriended
2018-10-22 · A Conversation About "Tacos"
2018-10-15 · Changes
2018-10-08 · An Adult-Sized Secret
2018-10-01 · Street War
2018-09-24 · Whither Whether Why
2018-09-17 · The Pitch
2018-09-10 · The One That's Meta
2018-09-03 · A Night At The Movies
2018-08-27 · We're Vampires
2018-08-20 · The Final Showdown
2018-08-13 · The End Of The World
2018-08-06 · A More Rational Kind Of Love
2018-07-30 · Death Troubles
2018-07-23 · True Love
2018-07-18 · At Least It's Not Des Moines