No narration. Just speech.
"Man, I was cutting my hair just now, and halfway through, the handle on my scissors snapped off. Halfway through giving myself a haircut. Sucks."
"Oh, your handle broke? I was cutting something once and stabbed myself in the palm. In the palm!"
"Yeah, broken handle? I once did the same as you but instead of stabbing my palm I sliced my finger."
"Uh... wow, you two are really going to try to one-up something sucking?"
"I once had my hand slip while cutting cheese, and sliced the tip of my finger wide open. Bled all over the place. Still ate the cheese though."
"I once spun back to my desk barefoot too close to the corner, and gouged a piece out of the side of my second toe."
"Uh... guys?"
"See how this finger is shorter than it's supposed to be? I was trying to unclog my blender, but I forgot to unplug it first, and it started while my hand was still in it. Took a quarter inch right off."
"I slipped in the bathtub and landed on my shoulder. Now it sits about an inch lower than the other one."
"...Guys?"
"I once tried to jump over a couch by the side of the road, but the cushion compressed more than I thought it would and I fell forward onto the ground and shattered my kneecap."
"I once let go of a sliding window when it wasn't locked in place, and it came crashing down across my hand and crushed all my fingers."
"..."
"I once put too much pressure on my chest in the gym and cracked a rib. I wasn't able to lift anything heavier than a plate of food for two months."
"I once pulled a muscle in my side shoveling snow, and I wasn't able to turn to the left for a month and a half."
"Okay, you two can stop now. You know, I came here for some poor me time, and instead I got the two of you comparing notes to see who's horrendously injured themselves more creatively. I'll be honest, the thing I'm really taking away from this is that I'm not the dumbest person in the room. So, thanks for that! Oh, and try not to hurt yourselves on the way home tonight after I leave; I hear it might be raining. Bye guys."
"...I can't raise my left arm above shoulder level."
“I was technically dead for four minutes after choking on a piece of chicken skin.”
"Do you ever get the feeling your life has just been a long series of terrible mistakes?"
"I never used to, but after laying it all out like this... we were some dumb kids."
"I can't believe I reached into a live blender without unplugging it."
"That was pretty dumb."
"It really was."
"At least it wasn't a food disposal unit."
"I guess. I miss being able to type without pain though."
"Yeah, life was good when we were young."
"Innocent."
"Naive."
"Uninjured."
"...That guy's hair looked ridiculous."
"Yeah. I'd hate to be him, having to walk around like that all day."
"What a moron."
"Who cuts their own hair? Honestly."
"A complete tool, that's who."
"I'm glad I'm not him."
"Me too. Let's go get lunch."
"Who was that guy anyway?"
"I have no idea."
"Just some random guy who walked in to bitch about his hair, I guess. What an idiot."
2020-06-22 · Boss Music Intensifies
2020-06-15 · Accept the Unexpected
2020-06-08 · Failing The Test
2020-06-01 · Best Laid Plans
2020-05-25 · The End?
2020-05-18 · The Only Explanation
2020-05-11 · Personal Victory
2020-05-04 · Six Questions
2020-04-27 · It's A Team Effort
2020-04-20 · The More Things Change
2020-04-13 · It's All About Perspective
2020-04-06 · Fake It 'Til You Make It
2020-03-30 · Keeping It Clean
2020-03-23 · How To Save The World
2020-03-16 · Time For A Change
2020-03-09 · Music To My Ears
2020-03-02 · Unfamiliar Territory
2020-02-24 · Something From Nothing
2020-02-17 · The Times Are Changing
2020-02-10 · The Missing Piece
2020-02-03 · Wrong Place, Wrong Time
2020-01-27 · Overexposure
2020-01-20 · As Seen On TV
2020-01-13 · Written By A.I.
2020-01-06 · Promises Kept
2019-12-30 · Ringing It In
2019-12-23 · Happy Unspecified Seasonal Holiday!
2019-12-16 · The Lair
2019-12-09 · Time To Get Cracking
2019-12-02 · Not A Suicide
2019-11-25 · The One That Knows What Number It Is
2019-11-18 · Venting Frustrations
2019-11-11 · The Test Takers
2019-11-04 · Make Your Play
2019-10-28 · Horror With Smart People
2019-10-21 · The Interview
2019-10-14 · It Must Have Happened At Some Point
2019-10-07 · Work The Problem
2019-09-30 · Cogs in the Machine
2019-09-23 · First of One
2019-09-16 · Curse Your Inevitable Betrayal!
2019-09-09 · Be Brief
2019-09-02 · Changing Channels
2019-08-26 · It's A Process
2019-08-19 · Armed And Dangerous
2019-08-12 · Good Intentions
2019-08-05 · A Simple Procedure
2019-07-29 · Finale Feelings
2019-07-22 · Fun And Profit
2019-07-15 · It Builds Character
2019-07-08 · Aviator Safety
2019-06-24 · Something's Been Bugging Me
2019-06-17 · It's All About You
2019-05-27 · Rough Encounters
2019-05-20 · Wishes Three
2019-05-13 · A Gentle Nudge
2019-05-06 · A Simple Misunderstanding?
2019-04-29 · Don't Spoil It
2019-04-22 · Under Scrutiny
2019-04-15 · Prepare To Resist
2019-04-08 · Making Small Talk
2019-04-01 · The Crisis
2019-03-25 · Just Kidding
2019-03-18 · How About That Local Sports Team?
2019-03-11 · Public Engagement
2019-03-04 · The Hero We Need
2019-02-25 · The Negotiation
2019-02-18 · Executive Orders
2019-02-11 · The Talk
2019-02-04 · The Big Game
2019-01-28 · If It's A Girl...
2019-01-21 · The Nature Of Picasso
2019-01-14 · I'm Sorry, Ms. Jackson
2019-01-07 · Never Saw It Coming
2018-12-31 · Duelling ...Holidays?
2018-12-24 · Too Much Cheer
2018-12-17 · Taking Out The Trash
2018-12-10 · Let's Go To The Movies
2018-12-03 · Not For Donuts
2018-11-26 · Horizons Made Broad
2018-11-19 · It's The Journey That Matters
2018-11-12 · Anthing You Can Do...
2018-11-05 · Let's Call It "Laundry"
2018-10-29 · Unfriended
2018-10-22 · A Conversation About "Tacos"
2018-10-15 · Changes
2018-10-08 · An Adult-Sized Secret
2018-10-01 · Street War
2018-09-24 · Whither Whether Why
2018-09-17 · The Pitch
2018-09-10 · The One That's Meta
2018-09-03 · A Night At The Movies
2018-08-27 · We're Vampires
2018-08-20 · The Final Showdown
2018-08-13 · The End Of The World
2018-08-06 · A More Rational Kind Of Love
2018-07-30 · Death Troubles
2018-07-23 · True Love
2018-07-18 · At Least It's Not Des Moines