No narration. Just speech.
"Dude, I hate this."
"Hate what?"
"Adjusting to Daylight Saving Time."
"It's not so bad."
"For you, maybe. I already don't get enough sleep."
"How much do you get?"
"Like five hours a night."
"That's not enough."
"Right? And now that the clocks have moved forward, I have to wake up an hour earlier, so I get even less sleep."
"But you go to bed an hour earlier too, right?"
"Ideally, yes, but not in practice."
"Why not?"
"I can't reset my internal clock like that."
"So now you're just getting four hours of sleep instead of five?"
"Pretty much."
"Then it's official."
"What's official?"
"I'm officially glad I'm not you."
"I'm glad you're not me too. Being me sucks for sleep."
"Sounds like."
"And being you sucks for pretty much everything else, so, you know... fair trade."
"Hey now! I... you... yeah, that's fair."
"I read online that billions of dollars of productivity are lost to Daylight Saving Time in the first couple weeks, because people are overtired and can't get to work on time."
"Seems about right."
"I also heard that heart attacks spike in those two weeks, because adjusting your internal clock is stressful."
"That one seems a little more dubious to me."
"Have you been listening to me these last two minutes? It's stressful."
"I don't doubt that it's stressful, I just don't know whether it's enough to increase the rate of heart attacks."
"Maybe it's just the rate of severe beatings doled out to people who don't believe their friends are under stress."
"Now that's a statistic I would love to see tracked."
"Anyway, it's kicking my ass. I wish we didn't do it."
"I think everyone wishes we didn't do it. I don't think I've ever heard anyone say it's a good idea."
"They say it's for the farmers, but the farmers just ignore it anyway."
"Didn't it start as an oil-saving measure for World War Two, or something?"
"I don't know. It needs to stop though."
"I have a plan."
"You're going to stop Daylight Saving Time?"
"What? No, I don't have that power. I mean I have a plan for you specifically, to help you deal with this."
"Okay. And what's that?"
"Stay up overnight one night, so you're awake for, like, forty hours, and then go to bed when you think is the right time the next day. Your body should just keep you asleep until you catch up, so you'll both get a good night's sleep, and hopefully reset your internal clock for DST."
"I mean, I can see how that would make sense, but there's something you're forgetting."
"What's that?"
"I only get four hours of sleep as it is. I'm always tired. Me staying up for forty hours just isn't something that's going to happen."
"That's what caffeine is for."
"Caffeine doesn't affect me."
"That's what cocaine is for."
"I don't know where to get cocaine. Wait, do you know where to get cocaine?"
"Not that I'll admit."
"...I'm going to go now."
"Have a good night!"
"Dude."
2020-06-22 · Boss Music Intensifies
2020-06-15 · Accept the Unexpected
2020-06-08 · Failing The Test
2020-06-01 · Best Laid Plans
2020-05-25 · The End?
2020-05-18 · The Only Explanation
2020-05-11 · Personal Victory
2020-05-04 · Six Questions
2020-04-27 · It's A Team Effort
2020-04-20 · The More Things Change
2020-04-13 · It's All About Perspective
2020-04-06 · Fake It 'Til You Make It
2020-03-30 · Keeping It Clean
2020-03-23 · How To Save The World
2020-03-16 · Time For A Change
2020-03-09 · Music To My Ears
2020-03-02 · Unfamiliar Territory
2020-02-24 · Something From Nothing
2020-02-17 · The Times Are Changing
2020-02-10 · The Missing Piece
2020-02-03 · Wrong Place, Wrong Time
2020-01-27 · Overexposure
2020-01-20 · As Seen On TV
2020-01-13 · Written By A.I.
2020-01-06 · Promises Kept
2019-12-30 · Ringing It In
2019-12-23 · Happy Unspecified Seasonal Holiday!
2019-12-16 · The Lair
2019-12-09 · Time To Get Cracking
2019-12-02 · Not A Suicide
2019-11-25 · The One That Knows What Number It Is
2019-11-18 · Venting Frustrations
2019-11-11 · The Test Takers
2019-11-04 · Make Your Play
2019-10-28 · Horror With Smart People
2019-10-21 · The Interview
2019-10-14 · It Must Have Happened At Some Point
2019-10-07 · Work The Problem
2019-09-30 · Cogs in the Machine
2019-09-23 · First of One
2019-09-16 · Curse Your Inevitable Betrayal!
2019-09-09 · Be Brief
2019-09-02 · Changing Channels
2019-08-26 · It's A Process
2019-08-19 · Armed And Dangerous
2019-08-12 · Good Intentions
2019-08-05 · A Simple Procedure
2019-07-29 · Finale Feelings
2019-07-22 · Fun And Profit
2019-07-15 · It Builds Character
2019-07-08 · Aviator Safety
2019-06-24 · Something's Been Bugging Me
2019-06-17 · It's All About You
2019-05-27 · Rough Encounters
2019-05-20 · Wishes Three
2019-05-13 · A Gentle Nudge
2019-05-06 · A Simple Misunderstanding?
2019-04-29 · Don't Spoil It
2019-04-22 · Under Scrutiny
2019-04-15 · Prepare To Resist
2019-04-08 · Making Small Talk
2019-04-01 · The Crisis
2019-03-25 · Just Kidding
2019-03-18 · How About That Local Sports Team?
2019-03-11 · Public Engagement
2019-03-04 · The Hero We Need
2019-02-25 · The Negotiation
2019-02-18 · Executive Orders
2019-02-11 · The Talk
2019-02-04 · The Big Game
2019-01-28 · If It's A Girl...
2019-01-21 · The Nature Of Picasso
2019-01-14 · I'm Sorry, Ms. Jackson
2019-01-07 · Never Saw It Coming
2018-12-31 · Duelling ...Holidays?
2018-12-24 · Too Much Cheer
2018-12-17 · Taking Out The Trash
2018-12-10 · Let's Go To The Movies
2018-12-03 · Not For Donuts
2018-11-26 · Horizons Made Broad
2018-11-19 · It's The Journey That Matters
2018-11-12 · Anthing You Can Do...
2018-11-05 · Let's Call It "Laundry"
2018-10-29 · Unfriended
2018-10-22 · A Conversation About "Tacos"
2018-10-15 · Changes
2018-10-08 · An Adult-Sized Secret
2018-10-01 · Street War
2018-09-24 · Whither Whether Why
2018-09-17 · The Pitch
2018-09-10 · The One That's Meta
2018-09-03 · A Night At The Movies
2018-08-27 · We're Vampires
2018-08-20 · The Final Showdown
2018-08-13 · The End Of The World
2018-08-06 · A More Rational Kind Of Love
2018-07-30 · Death Troubles
2018-07-23 · True Love
2018-07-18 · At Least It's Not Des Moines