No narration. Just speech.
"Hey, how's your book coming?"
"I'm stuck on a scene."
"What scene are you stuck on?"
"Well, you know how Jessica has invisibility when she drinks citrus?"
"Yes, it's a very particular superpower."
"And Steve has invulnerability when at least 0.1% of the world is drunk."
"So basically between two and four AM on weekends. Your story is so weird."
"Thank you. Anyway, I'm at the point where Steve is supposed to figure out what gives him his power."
"So that he can encourage everyone around the world to drink copiously?"
"Obviously. But I can't figure out a good in-universe way for him to figure out the source of it."
"You could always have The Seer tell him."
"Can't do that, pit bulls aren't allowed in Ontario."
"Oh yes, that's right. And punching toddlers is frowned upon."
"I was originally going to have him recognize the times of day that it happens, but then I realized that he's always drunk then too, so he wouldn't be able to put it all together."
"What if he's under doctor's orders not to drink for a week?"
"Please, you know Steve would never abide by that."
"Right, after the bocce ball incident."
"So he can't find out on his own, and he doesn't have anyone who could tell him. What do I do?"
"Ninjas."
"What?"
"Ninjas. Whenever I have writer's block, I introduce ninjas."
"You have my attention."
"They don't have to stay in the story, and I usually delete the paragraphs as soon as I write them. They're just there to get the creative juices flowing again. Once they've served their purpose, I don't need them any more."
"So you're saying I should have ninjas that explode as soon as they've completed their mission."
"That's actually not what I said, but you have my attention."
"I could have a clan of ninjas whose job is to visit people with powers and tell them what their powers are and how to unlock them. Then, as soon as they've completed that task, they immediately explode."
"Wouldn't that kill the powered person they're talking to?"
"Survival of the fittest."
"That's fair. So how would the ninjas find out about each person, their powers, and where they're located?"
"Sea turtles, mate."
"That's Pirates of the Caribbean."
"Oh, right. I suppose superpowers would have to be assigned by someone, and that person would then tell the ninjas all about them."
"So how are they assigned then?"
"Lottery, I suppose. A random name generator that picks a name and a city somewhere in the world, and if there's someone with that name in that city then they get powers and a visit from a ninja."
"Two problems with that."
"Only two?"
"So far. First, how would the ninjas be recruited?"
"It's something you're born into. It's an irresistable calling."
"I'm not buying it. Dying after your first mission would be a massive red flag."
"The powers assigner - let's call that person The Aria - The Aria would probably have to assign being a ninja as well as assigning people their powers."
"So each person assigned a power is also assigned a random ninja from somewhere around the world. The further apart the two are, the longer it takes to learn about the specifics of your powers."
"Starting from the time of your first orgasm."
"Why?"
"Why not? What's the second problem?"
"Over time, people would notice the trend of ninjas exploding. Society at large would be avoiding ninjas, including those whom the ninjas need to talk to."
"What if the ninjas are ISIS? I mean, literally ISIS. ISIS is actually a bunch of ninjas who are telling people their superpowers and then blowing up."
"I think that's a path you should not follow. Ever. You're probably on a watchlist now."
"Worth it. Actually, I like your second problem as a point of conflict in the plot. The ninja can meet Steve while he happens to be invulnerable, so Steve will survive the explosion. But Steve knows about the exploding ninjas and tries to get away, which only increases the odds that enough people sober up to remove his powers before the ninja gets to tell him."
"That's actually pretty good. How did exploding ninjas turn into the best part of your story?"
"Because they're ninjas, Michelle. They're the best part of every story."
"Come on, every story? They're not even in Star Wars."
"Of course they are. They're ninjas. And they're the best part of that series."
"You are a strange individual, Dale."
"Not as strange as The Aria."
"I'll take your word for it. I'm glad I could help."
"Just don't explode. I need to write this all down."
"Don't worry, you're safe. For now."
"Eh, good enough."
2020-06-22 · Boss Music Intensifies
2020-06-15 · Accept the Unexpected
2020-06-08 · Failing The Test
2020-06-01 · Best Laid Plans
2020-05-25 · The End?
2020-05-18 · The Only Explanation
2020-05-11 · Personal Victory
2020-05-04 · Six Questions
2020-04-27 · It's A Team Effort
2020-04-20 · The More Things Change
2020-04-13 · It's All About Perspective
2020-04-06 · Fake It 'Til You Make It
2020-03-30 · Keeping It Clean
2020-03-23 · How To Save The World
2020-03-16 · Time For A Change
2020-03-09 · Music To My Ears
2020-03-02 · Unfamiliar Territory
2020-02-24 · Something From Nothing
2020-02-17 · The Times Are Changing
2020-02-10 · The Missing Piece
2020-02-03 · Wrong Place, Wrong Time
2020-01-27 · Overexposure
2020-01-20 · As Seen On TV
2020-01-13 · Written By A.I.
2020-01-06 · Promises Kept
2019-12-30 · Ringing It In
2019-12-23 · Happy Unspecified Seasonal Holiday!
2019-12-16 · The Lair
2019-12-09 · Time To Get Cracking
2019-12-02 · Not A Suicide
2019-11-25 · The One That Knows What Number It Is
2019-11-18 · Venting Frustrations
2019-11-11 · The Test Takers
2019-11-04 · Make Your Play
2019-10-28 · Horror With Smart People
2019-10-21 · The Interview
2019-10-14 · It Must Have Happened At Some Point
2019-10-07 · Work The Problem
2019-09-30 · Cogs in the Machine
2019-09-23 · First of One
2019-09-16 · Curse Your Inevitable Betrayal!
2019-09-09 · Be Brief
2019-09-02 · Changing Channels
2019-08-26 · It's A Process
2019-08-19 · Armed And Dangerous
2019-08-12 · Good Intentions
2019-08-05 · A Simple Procedure
2019-07-29 · Finale Feelings
2019-07-22 · Fun And Profit
2019-07-15 · It Builds Character
2019-07-08 · Aviator Safety
2019-06-24 · Something's Been Bugging Me
2019-06-17 · It's All About You
2019-05-27 · Rough Encounters
2019-05-20 · Wishes Three
2019-05-13 · A Gentle Nudge
2019-05-06 · A Simple Misunderstanding?
2019-04-29 · Don't Spoil It
2019-04-22 · Under Scrutiny
2019-04-15 · Prepare To Resist
2019-04-08 · Making Small Talk
2019-04-01 · The Crisis
2019-03-25 · Just Kidding
2019-03-18 · How About That Local Sports Team?
2019-03-11 · Public Engagement
2019-03-04 · The Hero We Need
2019-02-25 · The Negotiation
2019-02-18 · Executive Orders
2019-02-11 · The Talk
2019-02-04 · The Big Game
2019-01-28 · If It's A Girl...
2019-01-21 · The Nature Of Picasso
2019-01-14 · I'm Sorry, Ms. Jackson
2019-01-07 · Never Saw It Coming
2018-12-31 · Duelling ...Holidays?
2018-12-24 · Too Much Cheer
2018-12-17 · Taking Out The Trash
2018-12-10 · Let's Go To The Movies
2018-12-03 · Not For Donuts
2018-11-26 · Horizons Made Broad
2018-11-19 · It's The Journey That Matters
2018-11-12 · Anthing You Can Do...
2018-11-05 · Let's Call It "Laundry"
2018-10-29 · Unfriended
2018-10-22 · A Conversation About "Tacos"
2018-10-15 · Changes
2018-10-08 · An Adult-Sized Secret
2018-10-01 · Street War
2018-09-24 · Whither Whether Why
2018-09-17 · The Pitch
2018-09-10 · The One That's Meta
2018-09-03 · A Night At The Movies
2018-08-27 · We're Vampires
2018-08-20 · The Final Showdown
2018-08-13 · The End Of The World
2018-08-06 · A More Rational Kind Of Love
2018-07-30 · Death Troubles
2018-07-23 · True Love
2018-07-18 · At Least It's Not Des Moines