No narration. Just speech.
"These are awesome."
"What are?"
"These sinus rinses."
"I've never done one."
"You have to try it. It's great. Cleans your head right out."
"That is not a good sell you're doing right now."
"Okay, so you know when you need to blow your nose, but nothing comes out?"
"I may have experienced that once or twice, yes."
"Sinus rinses get that stuff out of you."
"So they get the stuff out that I was eventually going to get out anyway?"
"Yes! No. I mean - hold on."
"You are not inspiring confidence in me. Or hope."
"Shut up, let me figure out how to describe this. Okay. You know how I have to hork and spit a lot?"
"Ew. No."
"Well, just take my word for it that I do. I do that a lot."
"This is not information I need to know about you. What's wrong with you?"
"Doctors are still working on that. Anyway, I did a sinus rinse this morning, and another tonight."
"Congratulations?"
"Between them, I never had to hork."
"...'Kay."
"And during the second one, where blowing your nose is part of it-"
"So it's blowing your nose with extra wet steps?"
"Stop interrupting me. You squirt one nostril until the water comes out the other, and then you blow your nose to make sure you got it all out. When I did that after the first nostril, a bunch of sinus crap came out that hadn't even been bugging me."
"So...?"
"So, this thing got stuff that I didn't even know about! It's amazing!"
"You seem very overenthusiastic for shoving things up your nose and becoming a nostril fountain."
"Don't you get it? I do this twice a day, and then I don't have to hork and spit any more! It's everything I've ever wanted!"
"Peeing out your nose is what you've always wanted?"
"I feel like you're intentionally mocking me."
"I am. So how long does this miracle process take?"
"Well, I have to boil the water for five minutes first, and then it has to cool down to room temperature. So that all takes about an hour and a half."
"Solid start. Then what?"
"Then doing the actual spray takes about five minutes, and then I have to clean everything which takes another five or so."
"So it's over an hour and a half, twice a day."
"Yes."
"How long did horking and spitting take?"
"That was like, two minutes a day of being gross."
"So your solution to a minor inconvenience takes up 10% of your day."
"Well it's not like I stand over the water waiting for it to cool down for an hour."
"What do you do?"
"I start it up, then go back six minutes later once it's boiling to turn the heat down a little, then go back six more minutes later to take it off the stove. Then I go back an hour and a half later to use it."
"So you schedule your life in six minute increments for this thing?"
"You're making this sound worse than it is."
"I'm literally just describing what you're telling me. It sounds like you found an unnecessarily obnoxious solution to a problem that isn't really that bad in the first place, and you're justifying it by saying it isn't a complete waste of time. I could see it being useful if you have chronic sinus problems that interfere with your quality of life, but according to you all you have is a need to spit sometimes. It seems unnecessary."
"Well, I don't care what you think about this, I like it and I find it useful."
"Great. To each their own."
"Thank you."
"This has been a weird conversation. Why did you tell me any of this?"
"Because I'm excited about it and wanted to share."
"And are you still?"
"Well, you made me realize it's more of an inconvenience than what I got it for... but yes, I'm still excited about it. I prefer this at the start and end of my day to running to the bathroom several times during the day to do something gross."
"Good. You do you then."
"Thanks. But then what was all that busting my balls over?"
"I just like to watch people squirm."
"You're a strange person."
"Says the nasal fountain."
"You know what? Yes I do."
2020-06-22 · Boss Music Intensifies
2020-06-15 · Accept the Unexpected
2020-06-08 · Failing The Test
2020-06-01 · Best Laid Plans
2020-05-25 · The End?
2020-05-18 · The Only Explanation
2020-05-11 · Personal Victory
2020-05-04 · Six Questions
2020-04-27 · It's A Team Effort
2020-04-20 · The More Things Change
2020-04-13 · It's All About Perspective
2020-04-06 · Fake It 'Til You Make It
2020-03-30 · Keeping It Clean
2020-03-23 · How To Save The World
2020-03-16 · Time For A Change
2020-03-09 · Music To My Ears
2020-03-02 · Unfamiliar Territory
2020-02-24 · Something From Nothing
2020-02-17 · The Times Are Changing
2020-02-10 · The Missing Piece
2020-02-03 · Wrong Place, Wrong Time
2020-01-27 · Overexposure
2020-01-20 · As Seen On TV
2020-01-13 · Written By A.I.
2020-01-06 · Promises Kept
2019-12-30 · Ringing It In
2019-12-23 · Happy Unspecified Seasonal Holiday!
2019-12-16 · The Lair
2019-12-09 · Time To Get Cracking
2019-12-02 · Not A Suicide
2019-11-25 · The One That Knows What Number It Is
2019-11-18 · Venting Frustrations
2019-11-11 · The Test Takers
2019-11-04 · Make Your Play
2019-10-28 · Horror With Smart People
2019-10-21 · The Interview
2019-10-14 · It Must Have Happened At Some Point
2019-10-07 · Work The Problem
2019-09-30 · Cogs in the Machine
2019-09-23 · First of One
2019-09-16 · Curse Your Inevitable Betrayal!
2019-09-09 · Be Brief
2019-09-02 · Changing Channels
2019-08-26 · It's A Process
2019-08-19 · Armed And Dangerous
2019-08-12 · Good Intentions
2019-08-05 · A Simple Procedure
2019-07-29 · Finale Feelings
2019-07-22 · Fun And Profit
2019-07-15 · It Builds Character
2019-07-08 · Aviator Safety
2019-06-24 · Something's Been Bugging Me
2019-06-17 · It's All About You
2019-05-27 · Rough Encounters
2019-05-20 · Wishes Three
2019-05-13 · A Gentle Nudge
2019-05-06 · A Simple Misunderstanding?
2019-04-29 · Don't Spoil It
2019-04-22 · Under Scrutiny
2019-04-15 · Prepare To Resist
2019-04-08 · Making Small Talk
2019-04-01 · The Crisis
2019-03-25 · Just Kidding
2019-03-18 · How About That Local Sports Team?
2019-03-11 · Public Engagement
2019-03-04 · The Hero We Need
2019-02-25 · The Negotiation
2019-02-18 · Executive Orders
2019-02-11 · The Talk
2019-02-04 · The Big Game
2019-01-28 · If It's A Girl...
2019-01-21 · The Nature Of Picasso
2019-01-14 · I'm Sorry, Ms. Jackson
2019-01-07 · Never Saw It Coming
2018-12-31 · Duelling ...Holidays?
2018-12-24 · Too Much Cheer
2018-12-17 · Taking Out The Trash
2018-12-10 · Let's Go To The Movies
2018-12-03 · Not For Donuts
2018-11-26 · Horizons Made Broad
2018-11-19 · It's The Journey That Matters
2018-11-12 · Anthing You Can Do...
2018-11-05 · Let's Call It "Laundry"
2018-10-29 · Unfriended
2018-10-22 · A Conversation About "Tacos"
2018-10-15 · Changes
2018-10-08 · An Adult-Sized Secret
2018-10-01 · Street War
2018-09-24 · Whither Whether Why
2018-09-17 · The Pitch
2018-09-10 · The One That's Meta
2018-09-03 · A Night At The Movies
2018-08-27 · We're Vampires
2018-08-20 · The Final Showdown
2018-08-13 · The End Of The World
2018-08-06 · A More Rational Kind Of Love
2018-07-30 · Death Troubles
2018-07-23 · True Love
2018-07-18 · At Least It's Not Des Moines