No narration. Just speech.
"Psst."
"Huh?"
"Psst."
"Who's there?"
"Over here."
"Over where?"
"I'm in the vent."
"You're in the vent?"
"Yes, I'm in the vent."
"How? The vents are tiny."
"That's not important."
"And why are you whispering everything all creepy-like?"
"It's just how I talk."
"Nobody talks like that, bro."
"I talk like this. Why don't you come closer so you can hear me better?"
"Nope. Not happening."
"Don't you want to talk easier?"
"Nuh-uh, I can hear you just fine from here."
"But you'll hear me even better from over here."
"I said no. I've seen this movie before, dude. I go over there, and you're a ghost or something that kicks open the vent and eats me. I ain't getting eaten by a vent ghost today. Not today."
"But I'm friendly. I have candy."
"Do I look like I eat candy to you? I'm at 5 percent body fat, I haven't eaten sugar in seven years."
"Everyone likes candy."
"I said- ...you can't see me, can you?"
"You should come closer so I can."
"I told you, I'm not going over there. Whatever you have to say to me, you can say just like this with you stuck in that vent like a creepy weirdo, and me over here holding this pickaxe."
"You're not holding a pickaxe."
"You don't know that. You can't see me."
"Bring it closer, is it a pickaxe?"
"Yes it's a pickaxe!"
"Well I can't tell from this far away."
"Look, what do you want, spooky vent ghost? And please don't answer in a stage whisper, that's getting annoying."
"I have a sore throat, this is the best I can do."
"I don't believe that for a goddamn second. More like you have no throat, because you're a dumb ghost."
"I am not dumb! I did very well in school, thank you very much, and I'll ask that you address me with the respect that I've earned."
"So you're not denying that you're a ghost."
"I- ...I never said I'm a ghost, you said I'm a ghost."
"That's right, I've been saying all along that you're a creepy weirdo vent ghost, and you've never said that you're not."
"Of course I haven't. Saying I'm not a ghost is exactly what a ghost would say to try to convince you it's not a ghost."
"You're trying to get in my head."
"All I'm trying to do is to get you to come over here so we can hear each other better."
"I can hear you just fine. Now tell me what you want from me. Come on, spill it."
"Okay, fine. It's embarrassing."
"You're a ghost, you don't have feelings."
"You don't know that."
"What do you want?"
"Okay. Look. I have two tickets to Joker, and my friend cancelled on me, so now I need someone to go with."
"You're going to a movie?"
"Yes."
"And you want me to come with you."
"Yes."
"What day?"
"Wednesday. 8:45pm."
"Sure it is. Show me."
"What?"
"Show me the tickets."
"I can't."
"Because you don't have them, because you're a ghost!"
"No, because you won't come over here, so you won't be able to see what they are."
"Show me anyway."
"Fine. Here."
"...That could just be two random pieces of paper."
"So come over and look at them more closely."
"I told you five times already, I'm not coming over there."
"That's what I'm saying! You won't come over, so you can't see that I'm telling the truth."
"Well, then we're at an impasse."
"Use your phone."
"Pardon?"
"Use your phone to take a picture, and then zoom in so you can see that they're Joker tickets."
"I don't think so. You're just going to use me looking at my phone as a distraction so you can eat me."
"Look at it this way: if I were a ghost, how could I be holding up tickets?"
"That's actually a really good point."
"Because I'm not a ghost."
"Cough."
"Excuse me?"
"Cough. In all the movies I've watched, I've never seen a ghost cough. If you cough, I'll trust that you're not a ghost."
"I ...can't do that."
"Ah-ha! Because you're a ghost!"
"No, because I can't. I'm incapable of coughing. Ever since the car accident."
"Wait a minute... Raymond?"
"Yes Raymond, who else would it be?"
"You don't sound like you."
"Of course I don't, I'm stuck in the vent! There's reverb or something, makes my voice sound weird."
"What are you doing in the vent?"
"Don't bet against Michelle, that's all I'll say."
"Oh, it's like that."
"Yeah."
"Well if it's you then of course I'll go. I love Joaquin Phoenix."
"Thanks, I really appreciate it."
"One question though: if you're stuck in the vent, how are you going to make it there?"
"I was going to ask you to call 911 for me. This is very uncomfortable and I need to pee."
"Right, yes, I'll do that."
"Thank you."
"There's no signal down here. I'll be right back, okay?"
"Okay."
"Don't go anywhere."
"Funny."
"Sorry. I'll be right back."
"... Haha, sucker."
2020-06-22 · Boss Music Intensifies
2020-06-15 · Accept the Unexpected
2020-06-08 · Failing The Test
2020-06-01 · Best Laid Plans
2020-05-25 · The End?
2020-05-18 · The Only Explanation
2020-05-11 · Personal Victory
2020-05-04 · Six Questions
2020-04-27 · It's A Team Effort
2020-04-20 · The More Things Change
2020-04-13 · It's All About Perspective
2020-04-06 · Fake It 'Til You Make It
2020-03-30 · Keeping It Clean
2020-03-23 · How To Save The World
2020-03-16 · Time For A Change
2020-03-09 · Music To My Ears
2020-03-02 · Unfamiliar Territory
2020-02-24 · Something From Nothing
2020-02-17 · The Times Are Changing
2020-02-10 · The Missing Piece
2020-02-03 · Wrong Place, Wrong Time
2020-01-27 · Overexposure
2020-01-20 · As Seen On TV
2020-01-13 · Written By A.I.
2020-01-06 · Promises Kept
2019-12-30 · Ringing It In
2019-12-23 · Happy Unspecified Seasonal Holiday!
2019-12-16 · The Lair
2019-12-09 · Time To Get Cracking
2019-12-02 · Not A Suicide
2019-11-25 · The One That Knows What Number It Is
2019-11-18 · Venting Frustrations
2019-11-11 · The Test Takers
2019-11-04 · Make Your Play
2019-10-28 · Horror With Smart People
2019-10-21 · The Interview
2019-10-14 · It Must Have Happened At Some Point
2019-10-07 · Work The Problem
2019-09-30 · Cogs in the Machine
2019-09-23 · First of One
2019-09-16 · Curse Your Inevitable Betrayal!
2019-09-09 · Be Brief
2019-09-02 · Changing Channels
2019-08-26 · It's A Process
2019-08-19 · Armed And Dangerous
2019-08-12 · Good Intentions
2019-08-05 · A Simple Procedure
2019-07-29 · Finale Feelings
2019-07-22 · Fun And Profit
2019-07-15 · It Builds Character
2019-07-08 · Aviator Safety
2019-06-24 · Something's Been Bugging Me
2019-06-17 · It's All About You
2019-05-27 · Rough Encounters
2019-05-20 · Wishes Three
2019-05-13 · A Gentle Nudge
2019-05-06 · A Simple Misunderstanding?
2019-04-29 · Don't Spoil It
2019-04-22 · Under Scrutiny
2019-04-15 · Prepare To Resist
2019-04-08 · Making Small Talk
2019-04-01 · The Crisis
2019-03-25 · Just Kidding
2019-03-18 · How About That Local Sports Team?
2019-03-11 · Public Engagement
2019-03-04 · The Hero We Need
2019-02-25 · The Negotiation
2019-02-18 · Executive Orders
2019-02-11 · The Talk
2019-02-04 · The Big Game
2019-01-28 · If It's A Girl...
2019-01-21 · The Nature Of Picasso
2019-01-14 · I'm Sorry, Ms. Jackson
2019-01-07 · Never Saw It Coming
2018-12-31 · Duelling ...Holidays?
2018-12-24 · Too Much Cheer
2018-12-17 · Taking Out The Trash
2018-12-10 · Let's Go To The Movies
2018-12-03 · Not For Donuts
2018-11-26 · Horizons Made Broad
2018-11-19 · It's The Journey That Matters
2018-11-12 · Anthing You Can Do...
2018-11-05 · Let's Call It "Laundry"
2018-10-29 · Unfriended
2018-10-22 · A Conversation About "Tacos"
2018-10-15 · Changes
2018-10-08 · An Adult-Sized Secret
2018-10-01 · Street War
2018-09-24 · Whither Whether Why
2018-09-17 · The Pitch
2018-09-10 · The One That's Meta
2018-09-03 · A Night At The Movies
2018-08-27 · We're Vampires
2018-08-20 · The Final Showdown
2018-08-13 · The End Of The World
2018-08-06 · A More Rational Kind Of Love
2018-07-30 · Death Troubles
2018-07-23 · True Love
2018-07-18 · At Least It's Not Des Moines