No narration. Just speech.
"Well, this is it. Are you ready?"
"I was born ready."
"But are you ready now?"
"What?"
"You said you were born ready."
"Yes."
"That doesn't tell me anything."
"What do you mean?"
"It doesn't matter if you were born ready, that just means that there was a time long ago when you were ready. You may have stopped being ready in the time between then and now. I need to know if you're ready at this very moment."
"Of course I am. If I was ready when I was born, how could I be less ready now?"
"Well now you're just implying that this attack is trivial."
"How so?"
"If a baby could be ready for it, how hard could it be really?"
"You know that's not what I meant."
"It's what you said."
"Don't listen to what I said, listen to what I mean."
"But how am I supposed to know what you mean unless you say it? I'm not a mind-reader, you know."
"Look, what I'm trying to say is that I'm ready. I'm good to go. We can do this now."
"Actually we can't."
"Why not?"
"Because I've been impaled."
"Oh."
"Yeah."
"I can't help but feel like I'm partly to blame for that."
"I can't help but agree with you entirely."
"Wait, how is it my fault? I'm not the one who stabbed you with what appears to be a baseball trophy."
"Because if you'd just answered in a straightforward manner in the first place, we would have been on the offensive ages ago, rather than sitting here like turnips."
"Turnips?"
"Turnips!"
"Why turnips?"
"Because turnips are useless! Nobody eats turnips on purpose. They're a waste of a vegetable. Tuber. Whatever they are, I don't even know because they're useless!"
"Well getting mad at me isn't going to make you not impaled, so I'd rather you didn't do it."
"I can't help it, you're infuriating."
"Like... in general?"
"Right now, yes."
"Well that is just maddeningly unhelpful criticism."
"Good for it. Now go try to salvage something out of this."
"I can't."
"Why not?"
"Because I've been decapitated."
"...Serves you right."
"Oh whatever, respawn in thirty."
"I'm done for the night. I'm going to go make dinner."
"Okay. Love you mom."
2020-06-22 · Boss Music Intensifies
2020-06-15 · Accept the Unexpected
2020-06-08 · Failing The Test
2020-06-01 · Best Laid Plans
2020-05-25 · The End?
2020-05-18 · The Only Explanation
2020-05-11 · Personal Victory
2020-05-04 · Six Questions
2020-04-27 · It's A Team Effort
2020-04-20 · The More Things Change
2020-04-13 · It's All About Perspective
2020-04-06 · Fake It 'Til You Make It
2020-03-30 · Keeping It Clean
2020-03-23 · How To Save The World
2020-03-16 · Time For A Change
2020-03-09 · Music To My Ears
2020-03-02 · Unfamiliar Territory
2020-02-24 · Something From Nothing
2020-02-17 · The Times Are Changing
2020-02-10 · The Missing Piece
2020-02-03 · Wrong Place, Wrong Time
2020-01-27 · Overexposure
2020-01-20 · As Seen On TV
2020-01-13 · Written By A.I.
2020-01-06 · Promises Kept
2019-12-30 · Ringing It In
2019-12-23 · Happy Unspecified Seasonal Holiday!
2019-12-16 · The Lair
2019-12-09 · Time To Get Cracking
2019-12-02 · Not A Suicide
2019-11-25 · The One That Knows What Number It Is
2019-11-18 · Venting Frustrations
2019-11-11 · The Test Takers
2019-11-04 · Make Your Play
2019-10-28 · Horror With Smart People
2019-10-21 · The Interview
2019-10-14 · It Must Have Happened At Some Point
2019-10-07 · Work The Problem
2019-09-30 · Cogs in the Machine
2019-09-23 · First of One
2019-09-16 · Curse Your Inevitable Betrayal!
2019-09-09 · Be Brief
2019-09-02 · Changing Channels
2019-08-26 · It's A Process
2019-08-19 · Armed And Dangerous
2019-08-12 · Good Intentions
2019-08-05 · A Simple Procedure
2019-07-29 · Finale Feelings
2019-07-22 · Fun And Profit
2019-07-15 · It Builds Character
2019-07-08 · Aviator Safety
2019-06-24 · Something's Been Bugging Me
2019-06-17 · It's All About You
2019-05-27 · Rough Encounters
2019-05-20 · Wishes Three
2019-05-13 · A Gentle Nudge
2019-05-06 · A Simple Misunderstanding?
2019-04-29 · Don't Spoil It
2019-04-22 · Under Scrutiny
2019-04-15 · Prepare To Resist
2019-04-08 · Making Small Talk
2019-04-01 · The Crisis
2019-03-25 · Just Kidding
2019-03-18 · How About That Local Sports Team?
2019-03-11 · Public Engagement
2019-03-04 · The Hero We Need
2019-02-25 · The Negotiation
2019-02-18 · Executive Orders
2019-02-11 · The Talk
2019-02-04 · The Big Game
2019-01-28 · If It's A Girl...
2019-01-21 · The Nature Of Picasso
2019-01-14 · I'm Sorry, Ms. Jackson
2019-01-07 · Never Saw It Coming
2018-12-31 · Duelling ...Holidays?
2018-12-24 · Too Much Cheer
2018-12-17 · Taking Out The Trash
2018-12-10 · Let's Go To The Movies
2018-12-03 · Not For Donuts
2018-11-26 · Horizons Made Broad
2018-11-19 · It's The Journey That Matters
2018-11-12 · Anthing You Can Do...
2018-11-05 · Let's Call It "Laundry"
2018-10-29 · Unfriended
2018-10-22 · A Conversation About "Tacos"
2018-10-15 · Changes
2018-10-08 · An Adult-Sized Secret
2018-10-01 · Street War
2018-09-24 · Whither Whether Why
2018-09-17 · The Pitch
2018-09-10 · The One That's Meta
2018-09-03 · A Night At The Movies
2018-08-27 · We're Vampires
2018-08-20 · The Final Showdown
2018-08-13 · The End Of The World
2018-08-06 · A More Rational Kind Of Love
2018-07-30 · Death Troubles
2018-07-23 · True Love
2018-07-18 · At Least It's Not Des Moines